Why Syracuse Football will finish 7-5 in 2021

This is what Irrational Optimism looks like

Ed. Note — As has become a (much derided) tradition, TNIAAM writers will tell you all week why this year’s Syracuse Orange football team will finish with certain W-L records. These projections will get better as we go along, so hopefully you finished being mad by mid-week or so.

• Monday: 3-9 (Andy)
• Tuesday: 4-8 (Christian)
• Wednesday: 5-7 (John)
• Thursday: 6-6 (Steve)
• Friday: 7-5 (Kevin)
• Monday: 8-4 (John’s dog, James Arthur)

This much optimism is new territory for me with these previews. Some of you probably think this one’s ridiculous to even consider. Well friends, follow me through this journey of the 2021 Syracuse Football season.

“You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Winning Season Zone!”

at Ohio Bobcats: This turns into an entertaining offensive affair as both teams score on long touchdowns. After throwing an interception and taking sacks Tommy DeVito is replaced by Garrett Shrader who rallies the Orange. However with Syracuse down 2 late in the game Shrader tries to run over a defender inside the 5 and fumbles through the end zone for a touchback. L (0-1, 0-0)

Rutgers Scarlet Knights: Coming back home in front of an opening crowd under 25k, Babers goes back to DeVito who responds like he’s knocking down milk bottles at the Jersey Shore. Schiano’s sideline temper tantrum entertains those who made the trip to the Dome. W (1-1, 0-0)

Albany Great Danes: Syracuse gets snaps for five quarterbacks in this one- but unfortunately Chris Elmore isn’t one of them. The Orange attempt only 10 passes as they are content to run the ball to overwhelm Albany in front of Governor Kathy Hochul W (2-1, 0-0)

Liberty Flames: Hugh Freeze and Malik Willis put a stop to the premature talk about Syracuse making a GameDay appearance as hinted at by John Wildhack. Someone needs to tell Syracuse AD’s to stop trying to make GameDay happen L (2-2, 0-0)

Pool Photo-USA TODAY Sports

at Florida State Seminoles: With commenters suggesting it’s time to see what JaCobian Morgan and Interim HC Tony White can do the rest of the way Syracuse goes to Tallahassee and steal a win from a dysfunctional Mike Norvell squad when Andre Szmyt hits a 43 yard FG in the final seconds. W (3-2, 1-0)

Wake Forest Demon Deacons: So of course Syracuse returns home and finds a way to lose to the Demon Deacons in a 13-10 defensive struggle. FireBabers.com puts up an digital ad on 690 West and Wildhack decides this is a good week to release the WBB investigation results. L (3-3, 1-1)

Clemson Tigers: I mean we told you it was going to get weird. It’s Friday night in the Dome with Syracuse football and the next morning as Baldwinsville residents head to pick up their weekly Glazed N Confused dozen they are greeted by an ExtendBabers.com billboard on 690 East W (4-3, 2-1)

at Virginia Tech Hokies: Expecting a loss here? Well nobody ever expects the Syracuse Football Inquisition! Justin Fuente accuses Syracuse of using a lollipop stick to win the game which is really odd because he claims that’s how Garrett Williams gets a pick-6 to ice the game. W (5-3, 3-1)

Boston College Eagles: That sound you hear is Central New York residents hitting purchase on round-trip tickets to Charlotte. W (6-3, 4-1)

at Louisville Cardinals: Now the Orange fans are cancelling plans to go to the Battle 4 Atlantis because they need to save for the College Football Playoff. W (7-3, 5-1)

at NC State Wolfpack: Hi. Atlantis Resort. Yes, I know we cancelled last week but we’d like to get our suite back.” Dino Babers feels his team’s streak was done in by NC State’s decision to wear these helmets saying “Our guys couldn’t figure out if the wolf was hungry or horny” L (7-4, 5-2)

Pittsburgh Panthers: Senior Day ends in disappointment when the Orange commit a roughing the kicker penalty which allows the Panthers to take the win and Pinstripe Bowl berth. The Orange head instead to the Duke’s Mayo Bowl to face Lane Kiffin and Ole Miss. L (7-5, 5-3)

*******

Yes I’ve paid attention to complaints about predictability with these projections so hopefully you enjoyed this bit of chaos. Can you just imagine the emotional roller coaster this ride to 7-5 would bring? Let’s face it no matter how it happens, if this year’s Syracuse Orange team got to the end with a winning record we should just agree not to do anything but celebrate it.